"P'Babe!"
"What?" Babe shouts back, he looks up from his spot in the co*ckpit, busy in immersing himself in the racing simulation when North's voice suddenly echoes all across the garage, interrupting him.
"Come here, quickly Phi!" North shouts in a distance. Babe frowns at the frenzied tone so he curse below his breath and left the simulator so he can see what the hell is up with North.
The moment the view of the lounge area comes in he sees North, Sonic and Dean all huddled together, North holding his phone and intensely watching something in it.
"The hell you want?" Babe gripes and sees in his periphery P'Alan coming towards them, probably in curiosity, with Way in tow.
"Just look at this!" North just says, and he frowns at the nervous looks the three idiots are sporting and he simply slides at the back to see what got their pants in a twist. He sensed P'Alan on his right and Way casually taking up space of his left side while throwing an arm around Babe's shoulder, which he didn't mind.
"The hell is it?" He says and his frowns deepens at seeing a normal live stream interview of a racer, is this for that off-season races he heard about today? Did the guy won?
"Don't you remember him?" Sonic asked and Babe snorts.
"Never seen em'" he says easily.
"He was talking sh*t about you Phi" Dean reports, a serious frown in his face. He looks back at Babe "in a live stream of all things"
Well, wouldn't be the first time.
"By talking sh*t, I quote 'Pit Babe?, hah that guy ain't all that' and when asked how he views the other racers as competitions" North answers "Bastard"
"One, he's sh*t in answering questions" Babe supplies and Way just simply snorts at his side "two, sounds like he's bitter towards me, was he a racer at the last season matches?"
"Yeah, he's one of Team Black Razor's top racers" P'Alan informs and Babe can't help but laughs.
"The team who always gets in fourth to the last rank?" He says disbelievingly, the guy doesn't have right to talk sh*t if he's a sh*tty racer to begin with—
"—in reality Pit Babe isn't that even good" the guy, whoever his name is, speaks again and all of their attention zeroes back on North's screen "that man goes sleeping around, even begged me. It wouldn't surprise me if he slept his way to the top"
The bastard laughs co*ckily and the reporter next to him looks uncomfortable to say the least.
Well, he got guts, saying all that in live.
"And apparently the guy you also slept with" Way answers, there's an edge on his tone that Babe can't decipher, which he ignored.
That's when Babe remembers him after examining the guy's face, it was last month on a bar. One thing he can say is, asshole's sh*tty in bed and his only saving grace was his less mediocre face.
"sh*thead" Babe says after a moment "who the hell says about me begging? He was the one who approach me. Asshole also had the nerve to asked me to ease up last season so they can have a chance winning, ditch his ass after that"
"Well, that backfired horribly" P'Alan comments lightly.
Well, whatever. The internet will just have a goddamn field day of sharing this clip and everyone will eventually forgets—
"—but Khun Drake, that's totally unrelated to racing" a sudden voice comes off the stream, technically out of frame, it was probably another media press, the man's voice was slightly younger in Babe's ears. "And are you saying Pit Babe cheated his six years of consecutive reign on the major seasons official matches and simply 'slept his way to the top' as you've put it? Of course not to mention the off-season games he occasionally joins and wins over, and the other mini-courses that he left a huge mark with, are you implying the Pit Babe cheated this way regardless with records of wins? what are your thoughts regarding that instead, Khun?"
The interviewed racer's expression faltered and the camera catches the way he frowns to whoever that just asked him "We-well..he must have paid some organizers—"
The voice interrupts yet again, tone professional and methodoligical in bringing up another question" you've said 'must have' are all these just mere speculations on your part Sir?"
The racer's face burn in red, either in humiliation or anger, Babe doesn't f*cking care as he cackles. Idiot.
"That reporter is good, now we have clips to sue him with defamation for that" P'Alan says and Babe sees him pull out his phone from his pocket.
"And question Khun, what can you say regarding with your affiliation with Miss Cheenaphan, daughter of the head of ILC Group? Pictures circulates the internet that you two had last seen entering at a hotel near center of Bangkok, and another in a remote motel—"
"W-who said that!? I d-don't— What pictures!??" The idiot was sweating like crazy and it went even more crazy after that bomb dropped when the other media press had bombarded him with related questions of the previous reporter had just said. It went downhill from that when the idiot can't seem to keep his mouth shut and just deny everything like a man possessed.
"Well, that blow out of proportion" Way says simply and Dean whistled lowly.
"Holy sh*t, that's the major group of their team's main contributor" Sonic whispered, a bit horrified and in awe at the same time.
"No kidding, the Group Head's daughter is also like what? Only seventeen? He's gonna get his ass sued for sure" North says with a smug grin. He can already see the headlines by now. Outed as a cheating motherf*cker and disgusting pedo on live? Yeah, media is gonna have a goddamn field day with him alright.
After that the live feed went ended.
Babe simply cackled.
Way just shook his head at seeing his glee. P'Alan just sighs "Well, that at least will be enough to cover up Babe's case. I wouldn't be surprised if people would overlooked on it"
An idea suddenly pops into his mind.
"Hey Sonic" he calls and the younger man in question looks up from him "go do your thing"
"..do what Phi?"
Babe slowly walks away, hoping to get back to his game considering he was already entertained enough and added while waving a hand in the air "track down that media guy, offer a one on one interview or some sh*t, just do whatever"
He only hears a loud 'on it, Phi' and goes back towards the co*ckpit.
There's always a rushed of adrenaline course through his veins before a race starts. His pulse pump erratically as his nerves surge with uncontrolled energy, the urge to get back on track always at the forefront of his mind. His body craving the thrill of overcoming a sharp turn, the acceleration of his car fights along with the feeling of triumph settles each time he overtakes a car after they manage to slip past him.
Something that always irked him, but nothing he can't fully get back from. Because he knew he will always, and always be at the front against others.
The utter glee after crossing that familiar finish line is nothing short of a pleasure for Babe. It's indescribable, the feeling is always unmeasurable that's why he treasures every race he's in.
He lives and breathes to be in the track.
"You don't look so happy" Babe paused in his ministrations of zipping off his track suit. The scorching heat didn't help as he feel every bit of sweat accumulating inside and swears wearing the white body tight sleeves isn't the least bit enjoyable. Babe looks at the man standing before him, a brow raised in question.
"Define happy, because I'm sure as hell ain't happy with the sweat and gunk sticking in me" Babe answers irritably at P'Alan. The man didn't laugh, oppose to what he usually does each time Babe voice out his complaints.
"Hm" his older boss just hums cryptically and there's something in it that Babe recognizes for what it is. He frowns and looks at the man who gave him a look that screams 'you're not being honest' and Babe loathes it with every fiber of his being. He doesn't hate P'Alan, no, it's that niggling feeling that he's being seen. "..usually after a undisputable win in a race again you always wear your smug grin, where did all that boasting go?"
Babe frowns, P'Alan's gaze didn't waver. And neither of them said anything for a minute or so.
Until Babe can't bear it any longer
(When did it all started? When did it feel like the interest dwindled—)
"..what are you talking about" Babe scoffs, a little bit too much, tone more defensive than necessary, a hint of anger in it "I won didn't I? That's a fact, anything other than that is useless Phi. I'm just tired, not every time I have to rub it your faces that I won"
"..hm, but that's how you have been Babe" P'Alan's tone were soft, the kind he uses with someone who needs it. And Babe doesn't need it, because everything is fine, everything is slowly starting to feel fine so please "..and I'm worried you're loosing yourself each day"
'had been for a while now' is clearly left unsaid. Babe can't and won't figure the meaning behind that.
"..is this still about—"
"Shut up!" he couldn't help but shout, all activity inside the pit ceases to a screeching halt, the clang of tools against metal frames vanish, the happy chatters from his team and the mechanics all but stopped at his abrupt shout to his boss no less. f*cking hell.
He looks at P'Alan and he hates at the tight feeling that gripped his chest at the look of understanding in the older's face. His hands curled into a tight ball and knows by now there's a guilt-ridden expression plastered all over his face. He sighs and suddenly he just felt exhausted for reasons other than just winning the qualifying round "just..sorry, Phi. I'm just tired, gonna hit the showers"
"..no harm done. It's my fault for pushing you" P'Alan grazed him a gentle smile and Babe is so goddamn grateful for the man as he throws a tired but small grin of his own "..but before that, there's a bunch of reporters outside. Do some little publicity for a bit"
Babe groans loudly and that man just grins cheekily at him.
P'Alan simply points a thumb towards the open field where he knows a swarm of reports waiting for any racers they could get a hold of. Even if it this was just a qualifying round for the upcoming first series of that major races of the season it wasn't a surprised a good a flock of them would want to cover a good content for the sports column in their magazines.
(He hates the way he knew how they work. Babe tries not to grind his teeth at the flash of memories of rapid tapping of keyboards, of the sound of hasty scribbling against papers, of the image of numerous post it notes against boards secured by thumbnails. The image of sleep-deprived eyes due to continuous search of scrambling for any good enough stories to feature—)
(—f*ck, not now. He's good now. He's—)
"..fine" Babe says with a petulant huff, he frowns when P'Alan gave him another cheeky grin and thumbs-up. Babe just rolled his eyes and ventured towards the pathway of the pits outside and walk quickly to where he knows the lot of them are gathered.
There's a designated open space for them located not far behind the main equipment for broadcasting live during a race. Since it's just a qualifying round, audience are scarce compared to an official competition and the number of reporters were also less in comparison. Surprisingly, some racers were already being interviewed, if Babe remembered they were probably the one who comes in fifth or fourth, not that Babe cared for long. The moment Babe was within eyesight, enough for one lone reporter to spot him did all of them finally notice him approaching.
Babe grins with practiced ease, the flash of cameras were almost blinding despite the peak sunlight hitting him but nothing he wasn't used to by now. The numerous mini recorders suddenly pressed up against his face and the reporters and journalists alike scrambled to get a single word from the top racer of Thai car racing industry. It went suddenly crazy from then on.
"It's the Pit Babe!" And suddenly voices of male and female journalist alike quickly and loudly overlaps each other as they try to get a hold of Babe's attention. Babe just simply flashed them another confident smirk and crossed his arms as the rest of them bombarded him with series of question he hadn't heard before. He answers them easily, nothing he didn't expected and already said already but the media personnel ate it up still. Babe answered questions like 'are you confident of winning the next race?' of yes's to 'are there any promising rookies you're looking out for?' of simple yet confident 'nah, no one can beat me still'
(This was easy, it quickly keep his mind off of things that are useless and unnecessary)
(Racing is all he needs. Being in the track is all he should think about—)
It lasted a good of few minutes with just him practically answering the same standard questions and Babe smoothly smiles through it all—
"mind if we get your thoughts about the rumor about you dating Khun Way of Team X-Hunter?"
(The question wasn't new, journalists are basically gossip vultures, especially in the sport's field. It wouldn't be the first time he was asked of something personal and wouldn't be the first time he answered them with a simple 'no comment' like always. And f*ck, he hates it, he hates the way he remembered of being told to be neutral, that if you don't want the media eating you alive then don't give them material to work on and he hates it. He hates it with every fiber of his being of remembering the same exact words it was said, the time, the day, the voi—)
Babe freeze at the voice, the question was now lost as the other's throws questions after questions like always. He whips his head around (chest strung tight, throat felt like there's huge lump constricting it, eyes wild in its search) and yet he sees no one. Nothing he was expecting, no one he was anticipating, not even the shred of hope—
(—f*ck, no. Not again, not this again. Not when he was already—)
"..that's all from me, excuse me" Babe says quickly and ignores the calls from behind as he quickly walks away, back towards his team's garage. His chest felt like it suddenly trying to suffocate his lungs, his breathing came off labored and he tried to keep it under control. He tries to keep off the burn behind his eyes, the series of mantra of 'I'm okay now' repeats like a broken record he swears it was now heavily engraved in him.
"Oh! Babe how was it?—..Babe?" He hears P'Alan somewhere off and he couldn't bother to stop just to answer so he simple grunts off a 'going to shower' and proceed to ignore Phi's questions while bypassing him.
Despite what he says he didn't gone straight to the shower stalls but instead simply stood stiff in front of his locker door. Eyes quite unfocused and he flexed his fingers just to keep his nerves under control (the surge of that boiling hate, rage, and loathing chokes him all over again—) he squeezes his eyes shut, hoping to quell the sting behind his eyes because he promised that not again.
(Not a tear, not a single one, not even a f*cking drop would he shed ever again—)
Babe wants to punch a whole through the metal frames of his locker, to feel something other this overwhelming numbness all over again. To not just..to not feel.
(And he'd been doing great, he'd been doing so f*cking great only to just be triggered of a f*cking illusion born out of his—)
Babe heaved out a sigh, voice taut and strained. But he manage to keep the rapid thumping of his heart under control, he unfurled both of his fist when he noticed how much he was digging his nails at his own skin. He looks down at his palms, the crescent-like dents left on them were deep enough to slightly bruised. Babe eventually rest his forehead against the cold metal door and let out another heavy gut-wrenching sigh.
"Get a f*cking hold of yourself" he hissed under his breath. He pushed himself off and stood straight, bones weary and tired. Body aching in ways he didn't knew it did and decided to go home. He's too tired to even change and just drive with his track suit on.
He didn't waste time and exit the locker area and into the halls straight to the main parking lot of the arena.
His mind was empty with thoughts and he was glad it was. He didn't need to think of anything else just try to get to his car and sleep for the night. Like clockwork, like he had always been doing—
The moment Babe turns into a corner his body simply locked into place.
He stops mid-step when he sees not far from where's standing someone else was leaning against the wall. Babe's eyes widens, recognition quickly sinking in because he knows that build, that familiar side-frame. He knew, every nerves of his brain recognize the shape of that familiar silhouette, despite how he despise the knowledge, those familiar round glasses and he thinks he had all but stop moving. Stop breathing even, choking over an invisible grip holding him by the throat.
(And it's there again, the f*cking despise is there to eat Babe all over again—)
The person had sense his presence and despite the black mask covering the better half of that face, Babe can't mistake those eyes looking straight back at him.
(It's unnerving, in a way of seeing it in such a big distance when it usually be lot more closer for
Babe to scrutinize, to examine and to stare back just as intensely—)
A small crinkle appears at the edge of the man's eyes, a small voice recorder hang around his neck with a lanyard. And Babe is back all from those months ago. Reminded yet again how he was such a f*cking idiot—
(Why? How? What the hell is he doing—)
(Why the f*ck is here!?—..What does he want!?—)
(He f*cking missed him)
Babe's eyes went narrow as he throws a deadly glare, teeth grinding against each other to suppress the barrage of words that's about to f*cking spill out of his mouth to a fault it f*cking pains him of keeping it in. But he hold off, he doesn't have anything to say to the other, months already passed (it still felt like it was yesterday, like his sleeplessness each night cradling his pillow stained with tears and agony hadn't become the norm by now, it just like everything had just boiled over in one night) three to be exact, and Babe thinks it's already too f*cking late for words to have any used for him.
"..P'Babe—"
He f*cking loathe that voice. He had come to loathe that voice
"You're not suppose to be here" he sneers, voice empty despite the heaviness coiling his chest, raging wildly inside. Because if he somehow loose it now he doesn't know he can keep it up hidden once he let's it slip. And not now, not after all this time, not after all of his efforts of bringing back of what should have been all this time. Of what should've been always before he even comes along into Babe's life.
"Ah" the man simply says a small smile grazed his lips (it appears normal, too f*cking normal Babe instantly hated him for it) now that he had lowered his black mask and Babe keeps his eyes trained on the other's eyes and nowhere else "don't worry, I have a VIP pass" while showing a white laminated paper with a VIP written on it.
Babe didn't answer, he doesn't have to and he doesn't f*cking want to so he looks away. He continues to walk straight ahead with the determination of a man who's about to f*cking loose it and intend to go past the other, evidently avoiding him. He's not going back inside either, there's no reason to escape because Babe is fine, despite the tremor in his hands, despite the tight feeling in his chest, despite the heavy lump clogging his throat, despite the f*cking rage he was keeping at bay with all of his might—
(Because he's fine, after months he has to be, he f*cking needs to be. He's not about to loose it now that he appears in front of him. He doesn't have that kind of hold over him, not anymore, not any longer—)
The moment he was almost bypassing the man he felt a hand circles around his wrist, not enough to actually stop him in his tracks but his body stops involuntarily. As if a single touch is all it needed for his body to surrender it's own command.
(He has to bit his lower lip so hard he thinks it would bleed anytime soon of how much he was digging on it. Probably to stop himself from raising a fist and punch the lights out of this motherf*cker, to stop himself from twisting around so he can see his face properly—..to stop himself from shouting at the top of his lungs..to just stop himself in reaching out—)
Babe roughly wrenches his hands away then send a vicious glare at the man every word drip with vitriol "don't f*cking touch me"
The man stands up properly then offered an apologetic smile "my bad, can we talk Phi?"
The goddamn f*cking audacity—
"I have nothing to say to you" Babe growled out and was about to keep walking when the other speaks again.
"That's fine, you can just answer some questions that's all"
Babe looks back at him, glare heavy with suspicion. He doesn't have to go along. He has to physically reminds himself. He can leave and never look back.
"What" he says, eyes hard and distrusting. The man simply raises his ID indicating as a another media press and Babe simply glowered even more so.
The man smiles all wide and cheery it was enough to make his teeth grind together again "Well, I do have a VIP pass, care to grant me a few minutes of your time?—"
Babe wants to f*cking punch him "f*ck off—"
"—Please.." The plea was short, laced with sincerity that grates on Babe's ears (tugging in his chest he hates it how easily it was) and when the other sense another incoming rejection he continues "purely for work and nothing else, I promise"
The man look at Babe with a small smile, Babe look at him with hatred.
(It wouldn't be the first time he hears 'promise' taken so lightly. He had been promised before and all of it were f*cking broken—)
"Bullsh*t" Babe says and turn his back. And yet...and yet he finds his voice almost cracked as he muttered the next words "You've got ten minutes and get out"
He ignored the quiet mumbled 'thanks' from behind and didn't look back.
"Get on with it" Babe says, arms thrown crossly over his chest as he glared at the man across from him. They settled on a nearby cafe, just within walking distance from the track and sat at the furthest booth. Then the other simply pressed a button on the mini recorder and looks at him, eyes serious and steady.
(Babe tried not to think of it, tried not to stare, tried not to f*cking compare of the gaze now and the difference of before—)
"First of, thank you so much for lending me your precious time, Pit Babe" the man smiles, all professional and friendly, the earlier hesitation is now lost and Babe's frown deepens. The man simply ignored it and leans back at his lounge chair "and as for today, we go for a less structured interview...so anyways, you didn't answer my question, Phi"
Babe's eyes twitch, the feeling of being played at sat heavy on his brain "you didn't asked a f*cking question yet"
The man nods in agreement but corrects him "Earlier, about the rumors of you dating your teammate?" Then peers over the rim of his glasses, eyes inquisitive and imploring. He pulls out a simple note pad and pen then looks back at Babe once again, smile plastered back on his face "A penny for your thoughts regarding that?"
(So he wasn't actually loosing it. That he did hear that voice earlier and a familiar feeling of anger quickly washes him.)
He could only muster a dead-eyed look at the other. Deep inside he was..he doesn't know what he was expecting to get out of this. But at least..it indeed look as if it was for work, no matter how tasteless the question is.
(He squashed down that bubbling disappointment starting to take root in his chest. Because all he needs to do is answer quick and get out of here so he doesn't have to see his face again—)
Babe grits his teeth at the tightening feeling in his chest that comes with the last thought. f*ck
"I didn't peg you to be scraping off baseless rumors" His voice was steady, something he absolutely tried to keep up. There's no place for his voice to waver, not now, to not let Charlie know a single sign of what Babe was feeling.
He wasn't about to let that happen.
"Ah, but I didn't peg you to evade answering either" The man simply answers back with ease and a smile jaded with curiosity as he looks at Babe intensely. He hates how he knew the way the other is when he gets immersed with his job, his personality turning to one mischievous f*cker— Babe brushed off the thoughts when Charlie continues with a hum "you've always been straight to the point when asked"
"..." Babe didn't answer for a second, a familiar irritation prickling his skin at the roundabout way they were going. He looks away at those inquisitive eyes behind that round glasses and scoffs "..then, so what of it? My dating life is not something worthy to be featured in a goddamn magazine"
Charlie hums in agreement "I suppose that's true, in a way, however is that a no to my question though?
Babe scowled " it's not a f*cking yes either"
(If he had looked he would have seen Charlie's expression faltering just for a second before the smile is back again)
"I guess you'd always been tight-lip about that part of your life" Charlie settles instead and Babe has to stop himself from shouting in the middle of the shop and call Charlie a goddamn pretentious asshole.
".. And you'd be surprised how many gossip tabloids features you online" Charlie comments lightly when not a word heard from Babe, his tone a bit melancholic as he scribbled something on his notepad that Babe doesn't care about. And Babe knows about it, he had learned it from him after all, about the other secret forums featuring him, all sorts of gossip webs, discord channels links to his racing skills and even the goddamn reddit threads. He knew them because of..
"Are we done?" Babe says with clenched teeth and Charlie looks up from his pad.
"I..I—" the earlier professionalism was dropped Babe witness how Charlie turn unsure and Babe hates the way anticipation suddenly seized him. Charlie speaks again, tone soft and gentle as if he was afraid to scare away Babe if he so much as spoke wrongly "how..How have you been Phi?—"
"we're done" Babe unceremoniously announced and roughly stood up, the table shook as he unintentionally bumps it. Before he could actually leave he felt his hand got tugged.
Charlie grabbed him and Babe swats his hands away "didn't I tell you to don't f*cking touch me"
"Sorry" the other mumbled as he retracts his hands "I just did..and uh—"
"Don't know what the f*ck you're playing at but we're done" Babe hissed under his breathe.
He never look back once as he quickly leaves.
"So, you're the guy who just ruined someone's career" Babe says the moment he sat on an empty chair. A young man sits across from him, an ID lace wrapped around his neck but Babe can't see his name on it. His features were sharp, except for the large round glasses accentuating his tall pointed nose and the wide eyed-look on his face as he looks at Babe with a smile
"Please don't word it like that" the young reporter says mildly embarrassed as he stands up and offered a hand shake which Babe return in kind " a pleasure to meet you, Khun Babe. I'm Charlie Wang"
"Likewise, and Phi is fine" Babe answers and throws an amused brow as he regarded Charlie up and down. He perks up as he sees the other squirmed under his gaze "wouldn't expect a wide-eyed brat was the one behind starting that sh*tstorm"
"Well it did became a mess that day" Charlie says sheepishly and looks at Babe with a playful frown "and I'm already 22, Phi"
"Sure" Babe agrees easily, a sly smirk on his face which the other only sighs then smiles. So far, the young guy seems pleasant, it's only a few people that gets Babe going in a conversation like this before he left them out. Babe fixed him a stare and points "then, how did you manage to get wind of a scandal like that"
Honestly, he wasn't that curious of what that lunatic was up to. It wasn't a surprise a sh*thead like that would be up to sh*tty things. He was more invested on the reporter who single-handedly defended him in that live.
"So you called me for that?" Charlie ask, smile teasing "I was offered with an exclusive interview though, didn't think it was the other way around"
"Smartass" Babe snorts "just curious, usually you vultures just loves to eat up sh*tty gossips. That was a first that a question was thought of with more with depth" and obviously backed up with strong evidence. He had looked up articles regarding that Drake and sure enough one lone official news article was written on it with Charlie Wang as author. The article was also full with the featured photos that of high resolution and the content being unbiased only just take his attention away. It was more or less informative even him who hates news was invested.
"That's an honor hearing that from you" The young reporter says and a bit shy next "and yeah, Thai media crew on site are less mindful of what to asked. Our reputation definitely precedes us"
Babe raised a brow "Well, you surely didn't hold back the last time"
He sees Charlie frown, displeasure on his face "I guess..I wouldn't have to if he wasn't going off like that in the first place"
Babe hums, unphased "He wasn't technically wrong though"
If it was possible Charlie frowns even more "Your reputation regarding your private life is notorious sure, but the last few bits of what he said was out of line. If there's one thing I don't like is saying things out of baseless evidence, and he was talking randomly, you can cheat once or twice but question a full-set records of back-to-back wins? Not only in a year but six consecutive years at that? Ridiculous. Mocking such results is the same as mocking the entire industry that orchestrated the races, and their legitimacy in presenting honest results. He was an idiot for implying you didn't win every race with your own blood, sweat and tears. So I had to intervene only because the media is like a dog-eats-dog world out there, one wrong word and you can end someone's life"
Babe blinks for a moment, never encountered someone who'd be so defensive on his behalf, and the younger wasn't even bias. Charlie was simply stating facts that bodes well for Babe. Huh, that was honestly cool of him.
Babe didn't say anything regarding that and just rest his chin on top of a closed fist.
"You just did though" he says with a grin "end someone's career that is"
"Just like I did" Charlie hums and sighs "well, I was about to feature him even if that live stream didn't happen. I've been following him ever since I stumbled upon his escapade with the young Ms.Cheenaphan, he wasn't exactly discrete in covering up his tracks, and considering I saw them as well in a shady motel instead of a hotel so gathering intel wasn't that hard. I knew it was turning a malicious act. Of course I don't know what happens behind closed doors, so I have to note the time when they're meeting up and took note the intervals of how often it happens. All I can say is, it's not a time a minor teen girl should be up and about with a grown man in such a place"
Babe wondered if the other was supposed to be sharing this to him.
"Impressive" Babe whistles and sees the way Charlie's face turn pink but smiles, appreciative "so is that why you out him like that on the spot? Took your chance and all that?"
"Some part of it, yes. But.." Charlie trailed off and looks away with a subtle cough "If there's a name that would end up being jeopardize then I rather ruin his than let him ruin yours"
Babe's eyes widens, his chest suddenly thumps erratically at hearing such a thing. It was a good feeling nonetheless, so he grins back, a bit small but it stretched genuinely he never thought he can "thanks, it saved my ass for sure"
Charlie practically beams back at him "No worries, just do your thing and true fans would defend you anytime".
Babe smiles "I can take it you a fan?"
And Babe could only laugh at the way Charlie simply blushed.
They talked for a while. Their original agenda of their meet up lay forgotten, it seems Charlie didn't seem to care so Babe didn't as well.
He never knew that it wouldn't be the last time they see each other either.
"Why the f*ck are you here" Babe all but growled dark and lowly as he watches Charlie slides in across from the booth. He looks back, at least he had the decency to look apologetic but before he can say anything the rest of the group arrives.
"P'Babe! Why didn't you tell us Charlie was around!" North exclaimed amidst the loud banging music "we saw him to that cafe and let him joined our night because it had been a while!"
He forgot only P'Alan and Way knows between him and Charlie. The other three just got acquainted with Charlie when he used to visit..Babe back on the garage.
"f*ck" Babe says not the least bit discrete in his annoyance "I'm leaving—"
Charlie starts "Phi—"
"Hold up" Way grabs his wrist in a firm tug and Babe stops and look at his friend who was sitting down and nursing his own drink already "it's been a while for us Babe, stay for a bit. And besides if there's someone who should leave, it's obvious it's not you"
"Way tone it down" P'Alan whispers, thankful the other clueless three was busy on seeing something on North's phone again like always.
Way simply pulled Babe gently back and his friend has a point "Fine"
He's not about to ruin his already ruined day by allowing to be swayed by Charlie's presence alone. He stole a glance at Charlie and surprisingly he wasn't looking at them this time, instead he was looking away, sipping quietly on his own glass of whiskey that wasn't there earlier. The content was almost empty as the younger downed it one go and gives Babe a glance over the rim of his glasses.
It was heavy and..
"Don't worry I'll leave" Charlie says, offering a single smile "I'm sure P'North would have his fill of my face by ten and let me go"
Babe didn't say anything back and simply seats beside Way and grab his own glass. Way was quick to pour him some and Babe grunts in gratitude.
A couple of hours into their time in the bar Babe managed to ignore that Charlie was in fact across from him sitting. Most of the time he was simply talking to Way and P'Alan and while Charlie was immersed in talking with Dean about off-season races and the younger listing off Dean's small and steady marks as he participates on each on it—
"—be..Babe"
"Huh" Babe says and looks at Way who was side-eyeing him.
"I asked if you're drunk" Way says amusedly "you're losing it, man. Can't believe a few glass got you this wasted"
"Am' not" Babe frowns and P'Alan snorts.
"You good, Babe?" The older askes and Babe simply wave a hand to appease P'Alan.
"Never better" he gripes and sees his friends simply sighs at him. Obviously sensing the half-lie in his voice.
A laugh caught Babe's attention again and he can't help it. The sound, low and grave notes draws him in even if he didn't wanted to. His eyes trailed again as he side-eyes Charlie who was laughing lowly at what North had just showed him. Babe sees the way the other's eyes crinkles slightly as he says something Babe can't seem to register against the cacophony of noises of the people around the bar. But he sees it, clear despite the headache coursing behind his forehead.
The way Charlie smiles.
It was carefree.
It was normal.
It was—
(It was like how he used to remember it—)
(It was how he f*cking despise it in remembering—)
Babe rips his eyes away and tunes in to whatever P'Alan and Way is talking about. Determined to not let it stray.
"I'm home" Babe's voice rung through his house as he opens it. His face frowns again when no one answered him. Huh, he's suppose to be at home around this time "puppy?"
"Here!" The voice rings from the second floor and Babe sighs, his exhaustion easing slightly when he hears Charlie's voice.
He went upstairs and could only gawked at the sight he finds Charlie in.
Babe starts "Pa did you just thrashed the bedroom?" He looks at the scattered papers across the floor, random sticky notes lay at every place of Charlie's low table where his laptop was placed at "It's a mess here"
"Sorry, I'm gonna clean it after Phi I promise" Charlie says as he looks up, eyes lines with dark bags as he grazed Babe a tired smile "just gonna finish some things first"
"Never mind that, you look even more of a mess" Babe says as he approach the other from behind, trying to see what he was doing "let me guess, another write-up?"
"Yeah, just a few months and I'll get my masters but it's a pain whenever they up the workload. I haven't even started on my pending thesis and now I have to work on this too" Charlie exaggeratedly whines and he strains his head upwards, a pout on his lips "can Phi ease my suffering please?"
Babe snorts and took pity on him "sure why not" then cup his cheeks with his two hands and leans down to give him a forehead kiss. Short and sweet.
"Just what I needed" Charlie sighs in content.
"Sap" Babe muttered with a roll of his eyes " and why are you doing this to yourself again? You graduated the first time with flying colors already. This is f*cking painful to see"
Charlie looks back at his laptop and leans his back to Babe's legs, who was still standing from behind. Babe quickly card his fingers through that messy but equally soft locks of hair, he feels Charlie's shoulders relaxed "It's because my beloved Phi is such an amazing person that I have to be just as amazing"
You already are, Babe thought without hesitation
"Stop using me as an excuse asshole"
"I'm serious" Charlie whispers as he tilts his head and angled it (Babe recognizes the request by now when Charlie just simply puckered his lips) and Babe took it his que to bend down and their lips met and slide each other's in a slow languid kiss. It lasted a few minutes of enjoying each other's lips and they break apart and simply stared at each other's eyes, Charlie smiles and Babe stares back "I want to secure my future as much as possible, so I can confidently take care of you the way you're taking care of me now"
"You're already doing fine, the media company you've always wanted to be in called you back right? That's already big"
"Yeah, but I want to be more than that. Go beyond what they expect from me" Charlie simply nuzzles his nose against Babe's as he whispers "go beyond of what you expected of me"
"So basically you want me to be proud?" Babe snorts " I already am"
"more than that" Charlie says seriously and smiles sweet and fond "enough you'll let me have you for the rest of my life"
Babe's breath practically stutters in hearing it.
It's a little to early for them to say such words, a bit too soon either (two months of talking with each other, three months of when they stared dating and Charlie is so involved in his life to a fault Babe asked him to move in with him after five months into their dating life. It was the best thing that happened in his life) but the genuine tone had allowed for Babe to drown on such promises.
"That's a big responsibility, you sure you're up for it?" Babe pinched Charlie's cheeks and the other playfully yelps.
"If it's you then I can do what it takes" he says with determination Babe can't help but rolled his eyes again.
"Sap" he repeats and when their eyes met they couldn't stop but let their lips met half-way through. It was short, it was everything Babe never thought he would ever wanted.
They break apart and Babe fully seats himself behind Charlie, while resting his chin on his right shoulder blade "Then, what are you working on?"
Charlie gasps "You know what, I'm glad you're here Phi, can you please proofread this section for me? The sentences are a little out of place I think"
The older raised a brow, totally unimpressed despite the younger not seeing it "All that lip-service was just to use me to read your work didn't you? You've got guts"
"Of course not" Charlie easily denies "between the two of us, you're amazing in english"
"Heck yeah I am"
He was only fluent in speaking it, Charlie is more hands-on with the technical writings but since he's asking for Babe's help then he peered into the screen of the laptop and read through the highlighted section.
"idiot you forgot proper tense again. Stop working without proper sleep and just stuffing your blood-streams with coffee I swear to god it ruins your sentences each time"
Charlie groans. Babe stood up.
"Anyway, too bad you have too many things to redo" He starts to walk away towards the bathroom "gonna ask you to join me in the shower but I guess you can't"
" what— wait Phi!"
He hears Charlie yelps from behind, quickly scrambling on his feet.
Babe just simply laughs.
Babe thinks he was going to break the glass under his hand as he tries to keep his attention away from the woman taking space on Charlie's right. North and Sonic is now on the dancefloor ditching Charlie on his own. The other was suppose to use this to leave just like he said. But some woman, in a skimpy dress took it his que to take the vacant seat next to Charlie and practically throws herself on Charlie's chest.
Babe tries to listen as Way recounts their last race and how to strategize against Red Racing team's current top dog. P'Alan was just as serious in listening to Way so they can't notice Babe had long since stop in pitching in his own comments. But no matter how much he tried to not listen all he can hear is the sickening sweet voice directed at the journalist.
"P'Charlie you have plans after this" the woman puckered her lips, covered in a bright red lipstick. Whatever the f*ck her name is literally forced Charlie's name out of his mouth. He can see in his periphery how Charlie simply smiles back, charming and friendly.
"Nothing that I can't remember" the other offers easily and the woman grins, as if he just scored a f*cking jackpot and Charlie just allowing it.
(Motherf*cker—)
"You up for something to fill in the night then?" She says sweetly sick as she placed a manicured hand on Charlie's forearm.
Before Charlie could even say anything, her hands squeezed his forearm once again and a loud rattle against the table interrupts the chatter when Babe suddenly and roughly stands up.
"Gonna smoke" he says between clenched teeth and didn't bother to wait for any response as he walks towards the direction of the back door, leading up to the back alley.
He bumps to all sorts of people as he powered through the crowd. Ignoring the complaints thrown at him and wrenched the door open as he reaches for it. The cool air suddenly eases his headache and the blurriness out of his eyes.
Babe slides against a nearby wall and pulled his packet of cigarettes and bites the edge of a stick. He keeps the rest back on his pants and lights it off. He inhales the nicotine and his shoulder's drop as he blows through his lips—
The sound of the metal backdoor interrupts his lone time and Babe doesn't know one of his friends followed him out. After all, this wasn't the first time he end up in a back alley.
Babe didn't look up as he mumbled "I'm fine Way—"
"I thought you quit?"
Babe's form turn rigid and he glowers at the person who was not Way "You"
"That's bad for you, Phi—"
"None of your f*cking business" Babe growled. Charlie simply slides just beside him. A good few inches between them.
Babe feels it was too little.
(He thinks it's too f*cking far—)
"Can we talk?" Babe hears the other whispers. f*ck him, Babe had no time and chat with him.
"You'd already used up your time earlier remember" Babe hissed "I'm leaving—"
A firm grip on his wrist suddenly anchors him from moving. Babe looks back with a snarl "what the f*ck—"
"I missed you, Phi"
It was a mistake to look and see the way Charlie looks at him, eyes shining and face broken apart.
(Like he had the right. Like he had the f*cking right to look so destroyed when he was the one who ruined them—)
He was suddenly pulled into a tight hug, enough that knocks the breath out of Babe's lungs as
Charlie curled his body over him. Head digging on shoulder blades. Babe squirmed and was about to punch the f*cker when he felt a suspicious wet patch seeped into his shirt.
He's..he's crying.
(Babe's breath hitches at the sensation—)
"f*ck..I missed you" Charlie says against his shoulders, his frame shaking as it's wracked with violent sobs "I'm so so sorry—"
"Shut up! Shut up!— Shut the f*ck up!" Babe screams, everything he had tried to buried all these months suddenly got uprooted with Charlie brokenly crying "you're really one f*cking asshole huh"
Babe laughs hysterically, as if he was unraveling at the seams all of a sudden. All his carefully crafted facade of keeping it all just suddenly burst through at having Charlie in front of him again.
(The sensation of their body touching after not having to get a feel of it drive Babe absolutely manic. He doesn't how to keep his hands if he should punch the motherf*cker or pulled more against him—)
(f*ck him, f*ck this, f*ck everything that's making him remind of how much it hurts—)
"Please Phi I—"
He doesn't know who had moved first or who had reached out. Next thing he knew their teeth were colliding in a painful grind. Charlie groans as Babe bites his lower lip with all his might. It was a sudden clash of messy tongue and teeth as they kissed each other aggressively.
They fight each other hands, Babe scrambling to squeeze every limb of Charlie's he could reach while the other find purchase of cradling both sides of his head with delicate fingers that had
Babe growled in loathing.
Babe pushed Charlie against the wall, he bites his lower lip enough to draw blood as he pinned the other against it. All of his pent-up frustrations, anger, the tears and everything that Charlie caused to him channeled at the filthy glides of their tongues—
They broke apart, breathing erratic as they look at each other's eyes. Charlie's lip ruined and slightly bleeding but it wasn't enough—..it was never f*cking enough.
Charlie smiles, understanding washes over his messed up face.
"I f*cking hate you" is the last thing Babe says before they lunge at each other lips.
The first time they said it they were already dating over six months.
It was Babe who confessed it first. He never thought he'd be the one to spill but it's not like they're competing. He only felt like today he thinks he can say it easily Just like how easy it was for them to click, just as easy it was for them to be together like it was meant for them.
"Hey Charlie" Babe calls from where he was sitting on the couch.
"Hm?"
"I love you"
There's a loud crash from the kitchen. Charlie cames in within Babe's sight, hair a mess and face wide-eyed.
"Wha—..what did you say, Phi?"
Babe's face flushed pink "Not gonna repeat it—"
"—I love you!" Charlie shouts frantically, it was so sudden and loud that it startles Babe too. Babe looks at him wondering why he's panicking, then when he registered what Charlie just said his heart suddenly went into overdrive. Charlie continues, eyes glistening with unshed tears " I-I mean I love you too! I..I already have for the past months. I..I love everything about you, I love you Phi—mph!"
Babe practically sprints to where Charlie was standing and practically slap a hand over that wonderful mouth "Shut up, you talk too much" Babe whispers, voice strained for some reason "and love you, thank you for crashing in my life asshole"
Charlie looks likes he's brimming with happiness as Babe finally uncovered his mouth and Babe feel like his eyes turn misty all of a sudden.
"I love you"
They both said in unison and burst out laughing for no apparent reason, the giddiness fueling them both stupid but it's fine as they held each other like each time they are within reach. Content and irrevocably fulfilled.
"F-f*ck" Babe groans as Charlie bits harshly on a his neck. He didn't knew what happened, only he finds himself pressed up against the wall as Charlie gnaws over the expanse skin of his collar bone while their lower bodies grinds against each other. Babe keened when he felt a rough grind of Charlie's thigh against his dick and he reached for the back of the other's hair and pulled.
Their mouth finds each other again for a rough deep kiss, nothing but pure tongue and desperation in their blood fueling their actions.
"Hah—. F-f*ck" he moans when they both released each other's mouth and Charlie raised his left thigh and pressed up both of their hard-ons, another filthy slide of their clothes and Babe bites back on Charlie's exposed neck to keep his voice from leaking out.
"f-f*ck I- I hate you" Babe says in clenched teeth. They bite each other's skin again, the rustling sound of their clothes mixed with their rapid breathing in the air adds to the filthiness of doing it in a back alley.
"I know" Charlie groans against his ear.
Another rough kiss. Babe mewls. Charlie's hips moved roughly against him.
"I f*cking..hah—f*ck! I hate you" Babe gasps as Charlie sped up, Babe finds himself reaching over Charlie's shoulders and moans as the other's movement intensified. He could only clutched on the other's back as Charlie practically lifts him in for another grind of their pelvis.
Charlie suddenly kissed the underside of his jaw and whispered between broken moans "I know, Phi. I know"
Something wet slides across Babe's cheeks and he sobs, as the pleasure takes over his senses, tears mixing in with the agony coiling in his gut.
He cried louder than it should be, a surge of indescribable pain he knows all to familiar welling up through his throat "I f*cking hate you so much"
Charlie smiles at him when they broke another kiss, small and sad and Babe kissed him roughly, a sob escaping between broken gasps "I know, Phi. I'm sorry"
Stop making me feel pathetic than I already am—
"I f*cking hate you—" taken over by another gasp as a zap-like pleasure seized Babe when another particular rough grind took him by surprised.
"I know Phi" Charlie mumbled against his skin and Babe sobs.
"Hey Charlie listen to this, apparently North finally got his sh*t together and confess to Sonic" Babe shares as he sits on top of the bed, simply watching Charlie rummaging through their shared dresser " those two were blushing so much by the time they were aware they are in the middle of the garage, f*cking hilarious"
"Well, good for them"
The voice sounded odd.
"Charlie?" Babe questions "What's wrong?"
"Nothing, Phi"
"Why are you packing?" He sits up straight "Another out of town for a media coverage?"
"No..It's.." Charlie faced him suddenly a frown over his lips.
Babe looked up confused "Then why are you bringing all of your clothes?"
There's silence that followed after that.
A second passed by. Charlie didn't so much said a single word.
Another one ticks by. Two seconds.
Another—
"Phi, let's break up"
Babe blinks, quite not catching it. mot quite Believing of what he just heard.
Babe snorts after a second "what a way to change topic, bastard, not funny either. So, don't tell me you want to go to a secret bachelor's party again?" Babe crosses his arm's, face stern but clearly messing around " I'm not gonna let you off so easily, then so where's this place—"
"Phi" Charlie presses, face stern and steady "I'm serious"
"..what" Babe he thinks he's hearing things. Then he laughs although it sounded nervous "haha knock it off, Charlie what's wrong with you—"
" I..I'm serious" Charlie repeats. Babe thinks he didn't quite understand "I think it's best for us, I'm going to clear off my things"
"..huh..what. the f*ck.." Babe whispers, frozen stiff and practically seethes when he sees Charlie was actually packing his clothes up "What the actual f*ck— hey, you're not making any sense— if you're gonna lie to my face then do a better f*cking job—"
Charlie glares "I'm serious, we need to break up"
"Why" Babe growled, annoyance controlling him at this absurd joke " you say 'we need to' not 'you wanted to' so why? look at me and tell me the reason what the f*ck—"
"It doesn't matter" Charlie replies impatiently "I'm ending things with you, please..just please, Phi"
That's goddamn f*cking rich—
" you don't get to f*cking plead here f*ck you—" Babe stands up and and reach over Charlie's lapels and tug "— what is it!? What the f*ck is wrong—..I won't understand sh*t if you don't f*cking tell me!—"
"I'm done, okay!?" Charlie burst in shout, voice sounding angry, at Babe or to himself, the racer wasn't so sure who it was for. They face each other, Charlie looking tired and drained while Babe appearing with confusion because he doesn't understand, why!?— "is that you want to hear!? Whether I'm done with you, or with me or with everything it doesn't matter just..Just..I want to end things peacefully so please—"
He's.. serious. Babe realized finally, horror dawning on him the confusion and initial anger morph into despair he'd never felt before. He thinks something is clutching him by the throat, highlighting the loud sound of his heart beating he thinks his ears is about to burst.
"F-f*ck—..f-f*ck off..! " His voice practically wavered. He can't stop the way his voice cracked half-way through. He fixed Charlie a glare that felt more like guise that's pleading, begging, praying to take it all back. To make a sense of all this. Babe hissed, hoping to quell the tremor in his voice "you think I'll f*cking accept it just like that!? What the hell Charlie—"
"I'm sorry" what the actual f*ck— "I loved you I did it's just that—"
Babe frozed on his spot. Eyes wide and unseeing.
Loved, past tense. As in not anymore. As in, not any longer.
It was enough to shatter whatever bravado he was trying to put up as tears suddenly threatens to bursts through his eyes (Charlie doesn't mean that, surely he doesn't—) Something is gripping his heart as if one more beat he'll definitely going to die and never going to see Charlie again—
"N-no..w-what—" He couldn't keep the trembling in his voice longer as he all but runs towards Charlie's and quickly reached for his hand and placed in it his cheeks, his own fingers shakes uncontrollably as panic quickly sinks(what 's wrong!? What's happening!?—they were just good yesterday right!? They just said 'I love you' last night so why—) The other didn't so much as flinch at that and it made Babe cries out, pleadingly " you don't mean that right!? Tha-that can't be—.. it—..is it something I did? It is right? Be-because there's no way you'll just—.."
Babe chokes, fighting back a violent sob. Mind scrambling for anything that he had missed or anything at all! Unless.. "—.. Is it because I'd slept with so many people in the past!? I— I-I tho-thought we already talked this out— I-I already sa-said sorry Charlie please—..I-I..if you'd come sooner in my life I wouldn't have done it you know tha-that right?—..fu-f*ck I swear..! Charlie—"
"That's not it" The younger says, earnestly and Babe believes him. f*ck, he believes him— "I—..I'm sorry Phi"
(He can't just do this, not so suddenly, not out of nowhere—)
"N-no..f*ck off..y-you can't just up and leave me—" He quickly hugs Charlie with a force of never intending to let go, hoping it would change his mind, hoping he wouldn't actually leave and not escape from his sight. He burrows his face on the other's shoulder and sobs, words incoherent "— there's a re-reason..there has to be—..is it..is it because.."
Charlie didn't say anything (he wasn't returning the hug either and it makes another choked sob to sprung out of him) and Babe felt like he was eating nails of how painful his next words in his tongue, terror coursing through his veins "...is there someone else..?"
The excruciating silence that follows almost chokes Babe, making him gasps in sudden alarm and gut-wrenching betrayal he thinks he's going to hurl. N-no way..But—..but it's fine, it's no big deal, that's nothing compared to what he had did—
"Tha-that's fine then—..n-now we're even right!?" He says frantically as he clutched Charlie's sleeve with desperation, tugging at it as if it would pull a word out of the younger. The other wasn't looking at him and Babe wants him to look at him, tell him he was just joking, assure him like he always does— "I- I forgive you—.f*ck so please—"
"Don't—" Babe's stomach f*cking sinks at Charlie's words "—don't do that to yourself, Phi I—"
"Then don't leave goddamn it!" He can't help but wail, voice cracking yet again, despair eating him at the seams "D-don't leave me please, Charlie I—"
He felt Charlie's fingers tug his hands out of his vice-like grip on his shirt—no, no, no!—
"I'm..so sorry"
Babe stood up there as he watch Charlie turn his back away from him, his bag in his hands already. The reality Charlie forced himself out of his hug stunned him into numbness. He continued to stare as Charlie's hair disappear down the stairs, eyes unblinking as streams of tears casscade down his cheeks, unbothered at the way it drips to the carpet floor.
The silence envelopes him and the sound of the front door shutting close did he finally realize Charlie had left.
He actually left. Left Babe.
And then
He screams.
Neither of them said anything. They simply stood side-by-side after what they just did.
Babe thinks he can't feel his insides of how hollow he is right now.
" Phi I— "
A sudden tone of a text message. Babe didn't bother to looked up where he was zipping his pants back as quickly as possible. He heard Charlie cursed under his breath and sense how the other faced him again "Phi I have to go but—"
"Don't get the wrong f*cking idea Charlie" Babe grunts, voice tired and hoarse " I hate you. I f*cking despise you. This isn't us going back to before"
There's no longer anything to get back to.
"Please let me explain, I only need to leave for a bit—" Charlie pleads. Funny how he never seem to care when Babe was the one who was begging to him before.
(Babe scowled at the thoughts, and shake them off)
"Doesn't f*cking matter. You already left the first time" Babe growled, words out of place, totally out of context but it felt right. It sums up everything he'd been keeping inside and letting the admittance out sucked and drained him enough to feel all empty, pathetic and ruined all over again.
"a second time wouldn't f*cking hurt as much anymore"
And Babe left.
